THE RED TOP NEWS EMERGENCY BUDGET SPECIAL

ENGLAND HOLD OUT FOR HISTORIC DRAW IN WORLD EMPIRE CUP

In a crucial fixture for the World Empire Cup in South Africa, the England team held out for a draw at Rorke’s Drift stadium. After a terrible loss in the first game at the Isandlwana ground, the English team needed to put in a performance. Kitted out in their familiar away strip of red shirts, the England team put up a valiant defence as the unfancied Zulu’s team launched wave after wave of attacks on the English defences.

Captain John Chard when asked about the game said. ‘Well the lads did well, coming off of a complete thrashing in the previous match; we knew we needed to up our game to stay in the World Empire Cup. We were outnumbered during the entire game, but we held on and have gained a valuable point.’

There have been rumblings in the media that this has been the worse performance of an England team since the World Empire cup was held in North American, where England was un-ceremoniously dumped out by the USA team in 1783.

EMERGENCY BUDGET SPECIAL

GOD BLESS SAINT OSBORNE

Yesterday the great George Osborne or as The Red Top calls him Saint Osborne, finally had the chance to sort out the mess that is the UK economy. His measures included.

Public Sector Wage freeze: The wages of those useless public sector workers like Bus stop inspectors, wheelie bin weight checkers, Urban fox day care workers etc are to be frozen. Obviously we are not including wonderful nurses in this.

Child benefit frozen for 3 years: However Mr Osborne also relaxed those terrible ‘Red Tape’ rules and regulations on businesses so children over the age of 5 can now work at sowing clothes to get more income in for their families to make up the loss.

Housing Benefit cuts. A cap will now be placed on how much a person can claim for housing benefit. Now only properties in the North East and Scotland will be in the rent limit, so expect a mass migration north. Mr Osborne said ‘Out of site out of mind.’

Disability Living Allowance cuts: A new test will be introduced where people who are claiming disability benefit will need to attend a new evaluation test center. The test centre will be situated on Mount Snowdon and failure to attend the office will result in the loss of the benefit. Managing to reach the office shows the fact that the person is not disabled and will result in a loss of benefits. So saving the country around £20bn

Tax Cut for lowest paid. The lowest paid will see a raise in their tax allowance and so will be able to use that spare cash to err pay for the VAT rises which they disproportionately pay more of from their income.

Two year council tax freeze: Councils will now have to be more efficient with the services they offer. So no more freebies to those twinned cities, or coffee mornings for mums, old people, well anyone really. So really enjoy those tax freezes as our army of surveyors work out the new council tax housing bands.

Bank levy: After the massive bailout of the banks it’s only fair that the financial pain is shared around. They have been given over £1 trillion pounds, so being made to pay an extra £2bn will really hurt them. You can hear those fat cats squealing now, or it may be laughter.

VAT: It's funny every party said they wouldn’t raise it during the election campaign, but here we are. A massive 2.5% increase on VAT, but at least the ordinary little people don’t notice it as much when they are spending, as they do when looking at income tax on their pay strip.
Oh and VAT does not apply to Newspapers.
(Please note for Euro sceptics it’s purely coincidental that our VAT rates now match most other EU countries. There will be no closer union with those ‘Continentals’)

Business News

With billions of pounds taken out of the economy, people are asking where the growth will come from. Here is The Red Top business reporter’s guide to who will get Britain growing again.


The Entrepreneur:

The Entrepreneur: Those fine, handsome, wealth creators will come in and replace the dead weight, moral sapping public sectors in areas it should never be in, like providing well paid jobs and a decent pension, when that pool of workers should be working for poor wages with no pension in the private sector.


Where were the fine, handsome, wealth creating Entrepreneur’s during the last few years? I hear you ask. Why were they not creating wealth during one of the greatest boom times in modern history? Well the shocking truth is that they were stuck at home watching Dragons Den and The Apprentice. These Entrepreneurs’s trapped at home watching endless reruns of these programs, produced by the evil public sector BBC. All this will change as the BBC will be downsized and the handsome, wealth creating Entrepreneur’s will come out of their homes and bring forth growth.

Worker Drones:

Worker Drones: These wage cost entities are a major drain on business created by handsome, wealth creating Entrepreneur’s. With their endless moaning about work, drinking the coffee and using the Internet services of the Entrepreneur, some may say what are useful for?

Well one Entrepreneur’s worker is another’s customer. No wonder the poor drone is confused, when treated poorly by their company as a worker, but told there are wonderful, free, clever and with outstanding taste when buying a product made by another.
So in fact they are really just cash cows, to be herded around at work and milked dry at the shopping mall at the weekend.

(Note: Picture editor-So are we going for a bee or cow metaphor here ?)

Public Sector Worker:

The Public Sector Worker. No use what so ever, they are terrible at their jobs, it’s probably not even a real job, they are probably claiming benefits as well.

These people are a morally and financial sapping black hole to the British economy. In fact latest research by the Free Market think tank, the ‘We have lots of money to pay for reports that support our ideology institute’

Have proven that the entire financial mess was caused by these people, and it had nothing to do with the financial markets who were practicing free market ideology so could not have possible been wrong.

Said a spokesman from the institute. 'We have proven without doubt that it was the public sector that caused the problem by using lots of long complicated mathematical formulas, and using the latest economic modelling software. Not unlike what banks used to model risks for the derivatives market. We are not wrong we CAN’T BE WRONG!’

SPORTS NEWS

Our Football correspondent Dave Balls has been in South Africa for 4 weeks now. As usual he made his first stop a sports bar to soak up the world cup atmosphere and finally he has staggered out to file his first report. In fact he was found in a game reserve cuddled up to a springbok with a vuvuzela attached to a certain part of his anatomy.

Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité!!

Declares the French Football Team.

In a move that has shocked the world, the oppressed, exploited and starving poor people of the French football team have declared ‘La Révolution’ against their King Raymond Domenech. The leader of the rebellion Patrice Evra declared. ‘We could stand it no more, as one of the brave workers Anelka, was sent into exile for standing up to our incompetent King.

So we needed to act and we stormed the Team training ground and declared a Republic, death to the Monarchy. We are setting up a Committee of Public football tactics. People may call us poor multi millionaire leather chasers, but we are also free men. Vive la France.’


Experts in the UK believe that this is a little local difficulty and could not spread to other teams.

FIFA cracks down on Fake World cup Merchandise.

Today FIFA have announced that they are continuing to crack down on Fake and non official merchandise that is trying to be sold at the South African 2010 FIFA World cup. They are today taking a close look at the England team.

Sepp Blatter head of FIFA said; ‘We have already come down hard on a Dutch beer company trying to sale unofficial beer. Now we are taking a close look at the England football team, as there is suspicion that they are in fact a fake! I mean they are marketed as world beaters, but have only drawn against USA and Algeria, we are not sure if they are the real deal.’

Red Top News May 2010

Bono’s back injured by weight of his Ego say Doctors

U2 announced that they are pulling out of the Glastonbury festival due to Bono injuring his back. The Red Top’s show biz reporter discovered from a doctor that the injury was caused by the massive weight of Bono’s ego on his spine.

The Doctor was quoted as saying. ‘Well in his youth Bono’s spine could take the weight of his ego, but as he got older his back got weaker, while the ego just grew and grew in size. What with the string of number one albums, working with President Bush, singing for President Obama’s inauguration, then the audience he called with the Pope. Well it was all too much for his spine and it finally gave way.’

BP Throws mud around in attempt to stop leak of bad news.


BP announce one last attempt to stop the bad press about the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico by throwing mud around in the hope that it will stick to any of it’s subcontractors and suppliers.


A BP spokesmen said, ‘Well it’s getting desperate we have been trying to stop the leak of bad news for weeks now. First we tried the ‘Top Hat’ which involved a lot of bloody good chaps going to Washington DC and playing the special relationship card with Congress, this didn’t work. The Yanks love it when we are talking posh about the Royal Family, but it works less well when we are trying to explain a massive oil slick on their coast line. We just come across as the baddy in a Hollywood film.

Then we tried the funnel solution which was to direct bad news to specialist drilling magazines which no one reads, but they just passed it on to the main stream media. So now we are attempting the Throw Mud around solution in an attempt to stop the flow of bad news. Hopefully we can divert the cause of the pollution onto some supplier of the equipment, which will allow us to continue to drill off the US coast.




37000 babies left on doorstep of 11 Downing Street

The planned Treasury cuts to the Child Trust Fund, has results in 37000 babies being left on doorstep of 11Downing Street, as parents dumped their children onto George Osborne and tell him to ‘Get on with it’

The Red Top interviewed one parent. ‘Well we only had the child for the £250 voucher at it's birth and the additional money later on; we thought it was a government financial guarantee to promote child birth. I think they have broken their side of the bargain so they can look after the kid.’

The Treasury has said thanks to the Chancellors negotiations with suppliers, the government will get a good deal on nappies and baby milk.

However it was made clear that the Liberal Democrat Treasury Secretary David Laws will be left to change all the nappies. Said a conservative spokesmen, we give Laws all the crap jobs like announcing cuts to parliament, so nappy changing should be right up his street.

DISGRACE! British Government spending £40m on

Head of Paedophile rings tour of UK

 

The Red Top has discovered that the British government is spending £40m on the cost of allowing the head of an international Paedophile ring to tour the UK. Calling himself the ‘Pope’, his string of followers calling themselves the ‘Priests’ they have been praying on the worlds children where ever they have setup shop. The Red Top says this tour must be stopped.

Showbiz News

Dr Who Story: An excuse to print pictures of his assistant.

In this weeks episode of Dr Who, the Doctor travels to earth in the 15th century or something, and saves the planet from aliens again, with use of his sonic screw driver and aided by his lovely assistant.

In next weeks episode of Dr Who the doctor travels to earth…..blah blah blah and aided by his lovely assistant.

Red Top Opinon Poll:

Should Karen Gillian have her own spin off show?

Vote Now!

(Ed. If we don't get lots of hits on our site now I don't know what else to do!)

TECHNOLOGY NEWS

Computer Geeks go crazy for digital coffee table iCoaster

Now available in the UK, Geeks are rushing to buy the latest product from Apple Computers, the iCoaster is the latest must have gadget.

The Red Top interviewed one lucky buyer Trevor, who had been standing out side the Apple store since last Thursday. We asked him what it was about the iCoaster that made him stand outside for 7 days and end up looking like a Tramp.

Trevor said, “It’s an amazing bit of technology, a must have. You place it on your coffee table and then when you put a cup of coffee on it, the touch screen lights up, WOW. You can even get it to play music when you put the cup on top of it.

It's ideal for when I am watching a film in the dark. I can put my drink down and the room lights up when the cup makes contact with the table, no more spilling drinks for me. My girlfriend thinks it’s great, well when I say girlfriend, I mean the next door neighbour who comes around when she has problems with her iPod.”

The iCoaster retails for around £500

Campaign starts to become leader of the Loser Party.

After Gordon Brown stepped down as the leader of the Loser Party, a number of candidates have launched their campaigns to replace him.

The candidates so far are the Jedward brothers, Ed ‘The Brown enforcing  Balls Crusher’, a women candidate who is also a member of an ethnic minority and Nice bloke who ran the NHS for a while.

Jedward the Elder wants to reconnect with the people who are traditional Loser Party supports. People who may not own second homes, have extensive share holdings, or a large pension, and may even be involved with manual labour. He will talk to them very slowly and condescendingly to make sure they know what is good for them.

Jedward the Younger wants to reconnect with traditional Loser Party supports, who may have felt let down by members of the Loser Party, spending all their time drinking champagne and snorting cocaine with their city friends as the economy crashed around their ears. Also he was against the Iraq war, unlike his bloodthirsty, war film watching brother.

Ed ‘The Brown enforcing Balls Crusher’; wants to reconnect with the salt of the earth, bitter drinking, and greyhound racing Loser Party supporter. However as Gordon Brown’s attack dog, he also wants to have long chats with Loser Party MP’s and go through the dossier he has on each of them, to make sure they know the best way to vote.



The Ethnic Minority Women Candidate wants to reconnect with the less traditional Loser Party supporter and as a woman of ethnic minority origin she thinks she is the right person to do it. Who can forget her principle stand against Private education, as she sent her son to a Private school.

Nice Bloke, who ran the NHS, wants to reconnect with the traditional Loser Party supporter, by having a nice chat and a nice cup of tea with them all. So he can find out if they are upset that the Loser Party ignored them all when in power, while partying with Non-Doms and fat cats.

COMING SOON THE RED TOP WORLD CUP SPECIAL

COME ON ENGLAND! FOR THE QUEEN MUM, SICK KIDDIES, HENRY THE Err something, ST GEORGE, BRAVE SECOND WORLD VETERANS, THIS SCEPTRED ISLE, THIS GREEN AND PLEASANT LAND

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FOR OUR CORPORATE SPONSORS WHO WILL BE PUTTING ADVERTS IN OUR PAPER AS LONG AS YOU ARE STILL IN THE WORLD CUP.

Red Top Hung Parliament

HUNG PARLIAMENT CRISIS HORROR

Red Top Demands a Strong Leader

The Red Top says:

We are sick of the weak willed leaders of the political parties talking about coalition government. What the UK needs is a strong leader, that is why we are backing Adolf Hitler to lead the country.

Our reasons for backing Adolf:

1) When it comes to getting political parties working together, Adolf is your man, by abolishing all the political parties and sticking the politicians in prison. So leaving the job of running government to himself.

2) He has a proven track record of protecting the interests of Financiers and Industrialists like us, err we mean the interests of the common people.

3) When it comes to using ethnic minorities as scapegoats, to take the heat of the countries elites that got us into this mess, Mr Hitler fits the bill. And now he has even more material to work with, to set citizen against citizen.

4) The country is overcrowded and full of Eastern Europeans. Well Adolf has a great record of creating living space in the ‘East’ for the nation he leads. And with the east Europeans in our country they might tell us the best A roads to drive our tanks along when we invade Poland.

5) He will get the country working again; he greatly reduced unemployment the last time he was in power by getting the unemployment to build motorways and dealing with the Unions. That’s right he put them in prison as well.

6) He is Pro-European Union. But it will be on his terms. A greater Britannia with an ever closer occupation.. err union with our European partners.

So 6 good reasons to back the man who will save us from this ‘Democracy’ with all it’s long winded complicated negotiations, that the simple people of Britain fail to understand. All they want is a strong government that will save the countries economy and their house prices. Also MEGA News Corps profits. (Ed note ‘Sorry daddy for backing Cameron’)

THE RED TOPS NEWS - ELECTION WEEK 3

The Final Round of

‘Britain’s New Game Show Host’

(The Search for the new Bruce Forsyth)

The race to be the winner of TV’s latest talent contest ‘Britain’s New Game Show Host (The search for the new Bruce Forsyth) took place last Thursday as the competitors were now down to the last three.
And contestant Nick Clegg seems to be the TV audiences favourite at the moment.

In early voting Nick was well ahead has his sincere looks, amusing anecdotes, and empathy with contestants seemed to go down well with the tv viewers. In second place was Dave, who has a similar rapport with the studio audience and gave people in their homes that feeling that the generation game would be in safe hands. Lagging behind was Gordon, who appeared stilted and dull.

The Red Top had a panel made up of members of the public watching the show. They gave some views of the performances by the contestants.

Sharon (46 – Ferret Breeder): ‘That Nick was lovely, the way he looked into the camera just made me weak at the knees. I would love to play my cards right with him.’

Peter (35 – Accountant for Novelty vegetable importer ) ‘I can see that Nick bloke hosting the Generation game. And Dave was good but he was rather posh and saw him more as a host of University Challenge.’

Mandy (66 – Retired custard tester) ‘Nick was great the way he worked the audience and he looked lovely. Dave was good I could see him hosting ‘Who wants to be a millionaire, like me’ quiz show.

John (25 – Unemployed Cat home Mortgage seller) ‘Nick impressed me with his authority and empathy; he would be a great host. Dave seemed a little bit to serious at times, maybe a host for Countdown? That Gordon bloke, blimey he was a bit severer, can’t see him handing out cuddly toys to contestants, maybe the host of the weakest link would be his thing.


Dunkirk rescue: Operation Jumbo Dynamo is under way.

TOURISTS SCRAMBLE TO THE BOATS

First Lord of the Admiralty Peter Mandelson has called for the Royal Navy and the ‘little ships’ of England to sail from the ports of the South Coast to rescue the BETF (British Expeditionary Tourist Force) that has found it’s self trapped on the beaches of Dunkirk, Calais and well every beach in Europe.

The First Lord of the Admiralty said ‘Our brave tourists, school trips and business men are trapped on the continent of Europe. It is time for all English citizens with small boats to come forward and help with the rescue. The Ark Royal has set sail already. God speed and God save the Queen.

Ash Cloud Created by Icelandic banks burning documents.

The Red Top environmental correspondent has discovered that the vast cloud of ash coming from Iceland is not volcanic ash. It is in fact a vast cloud of smoke generated by all the Icelandic banks burning their paper work, in a desperate attempt to destroy the evidence of their terrible financial position.

One worker for the banks who didn’t want to be identified said ‘It’s not just paper we are burning, computer disks, backup tapes; anything with data on is going up in smoke.’

Our correspondent also discovered that the other benefit of this approach is that none of the regulatory bodies in Europe can fly to Iceland to stop this mass burning of evidence.

65% of the TV audience for the leader’s debate want

Karen from the BBC comedy Outnumbered to be PM

In opinion polls taken after the first leadership debate on TV, the surprise result was that Karen from BBC comedy Outnumbered came top. It was also a surprise that 60% of the TV audience hadn’t realised they were watching the wrong channel.

One viewer who made the mistake said 'Well we tuned into BBC1 as they are usually the channel that covers all the heavy weight TV stuff. I mean on ITV it’s usually celebrity something or other with Ant and Dec hosting.
Anyway there I was watching three people squabbling and shouting at each other, calling each other names. So I naturally thought I had tuned into the leaders debate. And out of the three Karen seemed the most coherent and what she said made sense to me'.

Attacks on Karen from the other party’s are expected this week. The Daily Mail has already published 20 things you didn’t know about Karen, highlighting her lack of political experience and her views on Muslims and Simon Cowell

POLITICS: MANIFESTO HIGHLIGHTS

First pictures of Tory's Citizen Youth Service released.

The Conservative party have formed their first unit of the Citizen Youth Service to demonstrate how it would work if they are elected.

Their slogan ‘Das Volk’ is shouted out as they march to their summer camp to carry out physical activity, helping the Fatherland and receive lectures on the undeserving poor and sub humans.

New Tory campaign poster aimed at the Youth Vote

 

LABOUR PARTY MANIFESTO POSTERS:

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS MANIFESTO

Satanic Faith Schools to open using Tory Education plans.

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Satanists have announced that they are to open a large number of satanic faith schools across the country. Their plans are dependent on the Tories getting elected and implementing their school policies.

The head priestess of the Satanic faith Lucy Fur said
'We believe we are onto a winner with these faith schools. Not only will we offer great education, which will result in the children getting good exam results, as long as they sell their soul to the Devil.


We also think parents will find the entry requirements far more interesting. If you want to place your child into a Christian school, you have to spend long boring hours sitting in Church listening to the priest droning on. Or you have to take your child to Sunday school.

For our schools you do need to attend our ceremonies, but the basic one you need to attend involves a Friday night in the woods, drinking wine and running around naked, in honour of our Dark Lord. Or you can come to our Saturday night drink and drug fuelled sexual orgies as we cavort on a huge pentagram carved into our temple floor.’

ICELAND DECLARES WAR

RED TOP NEWS FLASH

ICELAND DECLARES WAR ON UK

In the early hours of the morning Iceland launched an attack on the UK, which has resulted in the complete closer of UK airspace. The Prime minister spoke to the nation.

‘Today April 15th, 2010 a date which will live in infamy the United Kingdom was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the volcanic forces of the Icelandic Empire. The UK was at the moment at peace with that nation and was in conversation with its government about the repayments of money owned to us by the Icelandic banks’

The Red Top correspondent believes that this attack was in retaliation for Gordon Brown using the anti-terrorism laws to freeze Icelandic banking assets in the UK, during the 2008 world economic crisis. Negotiations between the two countries about repayments of the money are ongoing. Obviously Iceland in a desperate attempt to avoid repayment has declared war.

Our defence correspondent believes the attack was planned by Icelandic Admiral Bjork. Who sang to the Icelandic god of fire, ‘Frozen cheesecake £3.99’. Which then unleashed the ash attack onto the United Kingdom

Admiral Bjork’s plan seems to be to gain total air superiority over the United Kingdom and then drop deadly ash over the UK which will cause nasty smudging on people’s cars, which they had only just finished cleaning at the weekend.

 
  The Red Top will keep you updated during these dark days. We will be unbowed by the Icelandic Empire.

God Save the Queen.

ELECTION SPECIAL 2010

ELECTION SPECIAL

ELECTION CALLED FOR MAY 6TH

NATION GRIPPED BY EXCITEMENT

The Red Top will bring you all the debates, breaking news and scandal in the up coming election. With our correspondents all around the country bringing you the views of the electorate on the crucial issues of the campaign.

Your Red Top Guide to the political parties.

The Management Consultants Party

Aspirational is their key election idea. Previously Management consultants have been brought in to improve the Civil Service and other publicly run institutions. Now they have decided why spend all that time wining and dining ministers to try and win contracts. When they can just take over and run it themselves. Their Election campaign slogan, ‘Less Pigs means a smaller trough’

The Public Relations Party

Aspirational is their key election idea. Public relations companies have spent years coming up with spin for companies and political parties. So now they have decided to stand as a party themselves. They believe that with their vast experience of Spin an election victory will be easy. Said their leader, ‘Look how we got the nation in frenzy about a footballer and his affair’. We will feed all the media outlets with easy to use material for Radio, TV, magazines and the internet. Then sit back as they just pump it out, as its simple and cheap. Everyone will be talking about us and no one else will be mentioned.’

The Conservative Party.


Aspirational is their key election idea. Other polices include giving married people and extra 3 pound a week to be able to buy cheap wine to drown their sorrows. Make £6bn of efficiency savings in government by reducing the number of paper clips issued to civil servants, renegotiating the coffee vending machine contract for all civil service offices.

Stopping the rise on National Insurance as it’s a tax on companies’ profits…sorry jobs.

Allow anyone to open schools, so expect Mc Schools in every neighbourhood. The education might be crap but the schools meals are great.

Even closer ties with the far right in Europe. That way it will make the party look quite moderate when standing next to some of the east european parties.

Crack down on incapacity benefit. Each claimant will have to undergo a new test. They will be chased 50m by a pack of fox hounds. If they make the 50m they will survive and loose their benefits as they can cover 50m. If they don’t make it they will be savaged to death by the foxhounds and so off the benefit list. It’s win win.

The Labour Party


Aspirational is their key election idea. They promise to make efficiency savings in government by reducing the number of posit notes issued to civil servants, renegotiating the snacks vending machine contract for all civil service offices.

Toddlers tax credit. Yes if you send your child to make clothes in a back street sweat shop or get them to clean chimneys they will get tax credits link to their earnings.

They will introduce a new Bank tax, it won’t raise any money directly but the income tax raised by all the new accountants and lawyers employed to try and avoid the new bank tax, should raise a few quid.

The Liberal Democratic Party


Aspirational is their key election idea. Vince Cable to walk on the Thames and then enter the Treasury where he shall lay hands on the sick economy and it will rise again. He will go around the country, and will take a Fiver and two pound coins and divided it up amongst 5000 people and it will be good. The Fiver and 2 pound coins will become £1200.34 for each person and the people will prosper.


A new voting system where every votes count, using the first past the alternative proportionality post system.

Stop the nasty banks and businesses exploiting people in the Underdeveloped world or as they call it, that gap year country the kids went to. While still be able to buy those wonderful imported products at reasonable prices.


Other Parties Manifestos


The Scottish Nationalist Party.
‘FOR FREEDOM’

Green party
“Our policies will raise the cost of living in the short term, to save the planet in the long term. Wait wait come back there’s more.”

Plaid Cymru
Will demand the £300 million which it claims leaves Wales to go into the UK economy. Obviously they have no idea that Tom Jones song royalty fees don’t actually count as income for Wales, and the coal was cash on delivery. Thank you very much.

UKIP
Want to leave the European Union, while enjoying free trade with EU Nations. Which of course the nations of Europe will gladly agree to. As we sit on top of the white cliffs of Dover, in our Union Jack deck chairs wearing our union jack t-shirt while jeering at Europe across the channel.

Communist Party
‘What the collapse of the capitalist banking system? We told you so.’

Guide to the Leaders wives
One of the major issues of the election campaign, is the character of the leaders wife. We at the Red Top give you the indepth important details.
 
 

Samantha Cameron. English Rose, blue blooded, stylish clothing, but still affordable for the ‘ordinary people’, she’s lovely. God bless you maam.


Fragrance rating 10/10

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sarah Brown. Thinks Gordon Brown is a hero, ran a Public relations company. She is the most popular person on Twitter in the UK with over a million followers. Frumpy dress sense

Fragrance rating 5/10
 
 
 
 
 
 

Miriam González Durántez . A lawyer, from Spain, not even a British citizen grrr Red Top explodes!!! Send her home like the armada.
 
Fragrance rating 0/10
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Red Top Opinion Poll : How will you Vote ?


Here are the results of the first of many opinion polls that the Red Top will comission.

20% With a pencil at the ballot box

9% DUNK at the Dunk or Not at McVities biscuit website

5% NOT Dunk at the Dunk or Not at McVities biscuit website

12% Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ

8% To bring back David Tennanet as Dr Who

3% Reinstate John Terry as England Captain

13% Don't really give a toss.

30% What election ?

Members of the public make spoofs out of Parties Election Posters
As we have seen recently with election posters, no sooner have the parties come up with a campaign poster, than the internet is full of spoofs by members of the public. Here are some sent into the Red Top. I am sure you will agree they all make us chuckle and keep our minds of the dull election campaign so far.

 

GET INVOLVED in Future Election Specials

The Red Top will be conducting interviews with all the major party leaders. So please send in the questions you want asked. And remember this election is all about you, the little people. And we will publish the results in later editions.


Also send in your ideas for what you think a government should do when elected in 2010 (Editor. Please though no more ideas on the lines of 'Send the immigrants home' and 'Imprison pikeys and chavs.' thank you)

Meanwhile in a political party budget discussion.