The Red Top News - An Apology to the England Football team

An Apology to the England Football team

In last weeks The Red Top News, we described the England football team as a bunch of over paid, incompetent, lazy, gutless, morons. Who passed, shot and defended like a under 5’s team. Our campaign to have the ‘Talent less tossers, tossed into the Tower as Traitors’ campaign was a great success. (We would like to thank the 329,898 Red top readers who text to vote on the £3.10 per text premium number. You have done England and our profits proud)

We believed that the rot in English football had reached as far as the manager, the FA and the youth program. We also laid the blame at the Premiership which we thought was once the greatest league in the world, but now was just full of kick n rush English players surrounded by some good foreign players.

However after Germany’s destruction of the Argentinean team, we now realise that we were mistaken and England are a great team filled with talented individuals who just happened to come up against a highly organized, efficient, counter attacking, killing machine err I mean football machine.(Ed No more war cliche please we need to export to someone who has money) That no country in the world could match.

We would also like to point out that the Premiership is still the finest league in the world. Don’t forget you can watch the Premiership for only £39 a month on the Super Sports Channel. (Super Sports Channel is part of our parent media company MEGA NEWS CORP) (Ed note. Sorry Chairman of Mega News Corp we didn’t mean to damage the brand, we didn’t think it through.)

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For £39 a month enjoy all the games of the English premiership, watch the big 4. Or is it the big 6 now, we are not sure, it all depends if any more billionaires owners turn up I guess.

Watch big game clashes Stoke v WBA, Wigan v Wolves on a wet and windy Wednesday night, Blackburn v Bolton in a mid table unimportant clash. Watch the battle of the Brummies Birmingham v Villa. Hear our commentators go on and on about the Premirship dream come true every time we talk about a Blackpool fixture.

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Tune in to those great derby clashes Everton v Liverpool. Man Utd v Man City, Chelsea v Arsenal, as we endlessly build them up weeks in advance into the ‘Match of the season’ and then be disappointed when on the day it’s so dull and turgid, with no skill and people kicking lumps out of each other that you actually switch over to the discovery channel

Package also includes

La ligua, watch the mighty clash of Real Madrid v Barcelona and then watch uninterested at all those other Spanish clubs that you have never heard of but you may have been on holiday to somewhere that sounds similar.

Then there is the Budesliga, Bayer Munich v Hamburg and then clashes against teams you are really going to have to look up on a map.

Not forgetting our look at the Latin American leagues. Are the games fixed ? Are the referees corrupt ? Shout 'Shoot' at the TV as another soccer star is shot by a south american drugs gang.

Watch it all on the SUPER SPORTS CHANNEL

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